What’s in the Stars for People with Hearing Loss
By Gael Hannan, Hearing Health Matters 8/13/2013
I’m not very psychic. I have to be knocked flat on my butt before I see things coming, although often it’s because I didn’t hear them.
I don’t believe in astrology, either, but like many zodiac pooh-pooh’ers, I do peek at my horoscope now and then. Sometimes it hits the bulls-eye and other times it’s so far off I wonder if my parents forgot to tell me I’m adopted and I’m not really a Pisces after all.
Today, I read this vague pile of kaka: The new moon will boost your confidence. Put your worries behind you and you’ll feel good. That was less than uplifting, although the more explicit ones aren’t any more helpful: Call someone to apologize, right now, before breakfast. Then get in your car, drive two miles, turn right, buy ice cream, and ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing?”
I figure I can write horoscopes just as well as any ol’ Madame Zucchini, Diviner of the Stars. Who knows, maybe some of my predictions will turn out to be true, or at least helpful. So with all due respect to astrology believers, here are tomorrow’s horoscopes for people with hearing loss.
Aries, March 21-April 19: You are usually a leader, ahead of the curve – yet you’re way overdue for your annual hearing checkup! Quit being naive, Aries; your stars are lining up to say that your hearing has not improved, and if you don’t get that hearing aid cleaned soon, it will dissolve and become one with your earwax.
Taurus, April 20-May 20: Although you like to socialize, people can find you aloof and boring. Stop trying to hide the real issue – you have hearing loss. Your fear and frustrations are normal, but don’t be The Bull who wants deal to with it on his or her own; open up about your hearing challenges, and you’ll find that people want to communicate with you and help any way they can. Scout’s honor.
Gemini, May 21- June 19: Stop talking! Geminis have earned their zodiac reputation of being incessant talkers, which can be typical of people with hearing loss. But if you stop talking, you’ll have to listen, and that’s tough for you. Quit sucking all the air out of the room and let someone else speak for a change (but make sure their lips are food and gum-free and have well-applied lipstick).
See the rest of Gael’s horoscopes at: http://hearinghealthmatters.org/betterhearingconsumer/2013/whats-in-the-stars-for-people-with-hearing-loss/
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